If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?/Review

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< If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

Review of If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

Potentially inspiring the Christian paranoia that would dominate the 1980s (i.e. the Satanic Ritual Abuse "witchhunts"), Southern reverend Estus Pirkle's shameless and aggressive sermon via celluloid is a cinematic dream for fans of Southern-fried exploitation and religious scare films.

Taking on Communism as his focal point, Pirkel goes on a 52 minute tirade, linking non-capitalist ideals to atheism, murder, unrepentant sexuality and eternal damnation. It's impossible not to laugh as Pirkel spits fallacies, pseudo-profundities and blatant lies, legitimizing his statements with visual depictions of simulated beatings, shootings, brainwashing and a laundry list of other atrocities.

Scenes of particular interest include a brutish communist guard jamming wooden sticks into a boy's eardrums, forcing him to profusely vomit and the decapitation of a young boy after he refuses to step on a photo of Jesus Christ. Try not to choke on your popcorn when the decapitator tosses the head down a hill and it quickly rolls away.

This relic is exploitation to the highest degree and one can only imagine the reaction this film drew as it played at church carnivals and religious fundraisers all throughout the bible belt in the 1970s.

Review by Mdeapo

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